Abigail’s Psalm

Oh God, where are You? It’s the dead of winter and the darkest of nights. You’ve promised your presence. But I don’t feel You. I don’t hear You speak. I don’t sense Your arms around me.

Oh God, where are You? Why aren’t You here? Why aren’t You intervening? Lord, You and You alone are cable of saving and healing and restoring. Why am I here, alone and without redemption?

Oh God, I know You’re faithful, but haven’t I been faithful too? You’ve asked so much of me, and haven’t I given everything You’ve asked? Haven’t I sacrificed? Obeyed? Served? Loved? Given? Then sacrificed again? How could You ask more of me? You’ve allowed to be taken from me my peace, my abundance, my joy, my comfort. But my babies too? Why, Oh God?

How long, Oh God? How long will You make me walk this path? How many times? How many times can a mama’s heart break wide open, and then move forward with another day? How long before our rainbow arrives?

I cannot wait any longer, Lord, please don’t try my heart for even another day!

Oh God, I am weak and weary. My soul is troubled. My heart devastated. My world shaken. My peace shattered. My mornings are filled with an anxious spirit, and my nights resound with a deafening despair.

How many times can I ask, please take this cup from me, Oh God? How many times before You hear the cry of my heart? How long before I am delivered of this affliction?

Oh God, my God, great is your faithfulness. You are a promise keeper. Ever faithful. You’ve never failed me. You never will. I trust in Your promises and in Your Holy Word. I will stand against the lies of the enemy and stand upon my hope and faith in Your goodness!

Oh my God, you are Mercy. Redemption. Peace. Restoration. You are the maker of all things new. You bring beauty from ashes.

I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned. For I am more than a conqueror through You, because You love me. You, Oh God, are greater, than anything else, than anything in this world. You are the giver of perfect gifts, and You supply all my needs.

Oh my God, I will seek You first. I will seek You with my whole heart, and I will find You. You, God, are my One Thing. I will not stray from the right or to the left. But will wholly stand before You in righteousness.

My rock. My redeemer. My shelter. An ever-present help in time of need. My refuge. My strong tower. My secret place. My Abba Father. My still waters. My defender. My comfort. My hope. My sure thing. My home. My Jesus.

Oh God. In You do I put my trust. Even though I walk through the furnace of fire, I know You are with me. I will fix my eyes on You, and even in the darkest of nights in the deadest of winters, I will know, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, that you are a good and gracious God who blesses the obedience of His people. I will take captive every thought and claim your promises.

We wrestle not against flesh and blood. We do not war after the flesh. We fight battles in the spiritual realm, and I will use the battle tools you have given me. The belt of truth. The breastplate of righteousness. The shoes of the Gospel of Peace. The shield of faith, above all. The helmet of salvation. The sword of the spirit. The Word of God!

I am already victorious, because of your sacrifice on Calvary. In this world, I will have trouble. But YOU, my God, have overcome this world.

Amen

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