My “One Thing”

Over the last couple months, I’ve shared a lot about my journey through Jake’s absence during Basic training – how I knew God would use this time to refine me; how humbled I was to see that I needed and wanted help; how much I rely on my Jesus when there is nothing left on earth to do but pray.

It’s been almost 3 weeks since Archer’s second seizure that completely turned my world upside down. At the time, I thought it was just another “episode”, and another challenge to get through by the grace of God.

But now, days later, I’m still reeling. I can’t sleep. I can hardly eat. It takes everything in me to silence the voices of fear and anxiety speaking into my head and my heart. I thought I was humbled already, when Jake left and I needed friends and family to rally around me – but I’ve never been humbled like this before.

Psalm 27:4 says “One thing I have desired of the Lord, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord, And to inquire in His temple.” I love this verse because it says “One Thing”. For the Psalmist, seeking his God was his priority. Compared to this, nothing else mattered. I love this verse because of that dedication. I’ve always prayed and asked God to help me make Him my One Thing.

And in this season, God is asking me to back up my words with actions. Is He truly my One Thing? My husband is away, not physically present for me to lean on. Org changes at work create a wake of uncertainty. My beautiful first born son is under spiritual and physical attack at just 2 years old. And God asks me, “Am I your One Thing?”

Please understand – I in no way think that God is the author of all these negative things! God gives good and perfect gifts to His children. But I do believe He is working in this situation to present me with an opportunity to choose Him. To choose faith and joy. To lean on Him and trust in His promises. To do spiritual battle for my son.

To tell Him whether or not He is sufficient – to show Him if He is my One Thing – to choose Him in the darkest of days.

My heart isn’t ready to share everything that has happened this week, at least not until Jake comes home again (3 weeks!). But on Wednesday, the little Baggs boys and I moved in with my parents. They’d offered their home to us back when Jake first left, but my pride and my desire for my way kept us in our home. And in truth, I love my home, and I never want to leave it.

But after almost 2 weeks since Jake’s second departure, I still haven’t fully recovered. My heart has not healed. I can’t walk into the house without the memory of that night playing over and over – the gripping fear coupled with the rush of adrenaline to pack up my babies and get them to the ER – the complete despair of not having my partner with me. That house is my home, but for now, I need some space and time to deal with that trauma.

At first, I was so disappointed with myself that I felt the need to move us to my parents’ home. Am I so insufficient that I can’t take care of my own children? But now I see that was a lie from the enemy. The last thing he wants is for me to let down my guard, accept help, and bring my babies to the same Scripture-soaked home that I was raised in. I’m convinced there has been no holier home in all of the city than my parents’ home this week. The amount of prayer and fasting and promise-claiming that has taken place there in the past several days is incredible.

So now, I stop striving and focus on my One Thing. It’s time to rest in God’s promises!

“The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” Exodus 14:14

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

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More Than Conquerors

morethanconquerors

I’m sure it goes without saying, but this has been the darkest week and a half of my life. Archer’s second seizure, the disruption of Jake’s training, not having any idea what causes the seizures, going from a zero med family to a 3 med family, and saying goodbye to Jake again…. have all nearly done me in. Sunday afternoon, about an hour after saying goodbye to Jake, the worst despair completely washed over me.

Then on Tuesday when I woke up with an eye infection that I was sure I would spread to the boys, I honestly had no idea how I would continue.
1 Peter 5:8 says “…your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” It took me some time to realize that the attack on my family did not end in the hospital with the seizure, but continued and came home with us. Saturday night, just hours before Jake and I shared our testimony at church, I became incredibly sick to my stomach, and for awhile, I did not think I would be able to get out of bed Sunday morning. Fortunately, God’s Word tells us that “No weapon formed against you shall prosper…” (Isaiah ‭54:17‬)

So today, even though I was totally bummed that it was more sickness that kept me home, God’s truth that “all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans‬ ‭8:28) proved to be true. I was able to spend time fasting and praying, and I have a peace and a joy that I haven’t had since before Jake left the first time back in January. Praise God for his goodness and mercy and blessings.

This morning, the boys and I were reading one of their Bible story books, and we read the 23rd Psalm. Verse 4 says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me…” That was my anthem throughout the day. I am exhausted after a day of battle, but I am ready to fall into bed tonight with God’s promises in my ears and on my tongue. #morethanconquerors