An Empty Prayer Couch

This was my prayer couch Saturday morning —> e m p t y.

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I got up early, like I love to on Saturday mornings but has been so difficult since Jake left.

And then, almost-sleeping baby who had just nursed decided that he would only be held. No swing, no chair. No falling back asleep. Must be awake, and in mama’s arms, walking the floors. He knows I’m at his mercy early in the morning, because I’ll do anything to keep his big brother asleep before 6 am. So, exasperated, I set down my things and left my holy prayer couch, to walk the designated floor paths (I know exactly where to walk to keep the floors from creaking – this ain’t my first rodeo).

And I found myself so frustrated. I have such limited time right now. I just want babies to be sleeping at 4 am… is that too much to ask? Why can’t you just go back to sleep?

But in my frustration – about not getting to sit and worship – I’m reminded that I AM worshiping. As I’m mothering my babies, I am worshiping my Savior. Loving them and caring for them and nurturing them – and yes, walking the floors with them and cleaning their noses and patting them to sleep – all of it is a way to worship.

I asked God to change my heart and change my perspective. It gave me time to intercede for my family. To pray against strongholds. To thank God for what he’s doing in my life.

What a legacy and heritage to pass down through my babies. One day when I walk the floor with Bash’s babies, because their poor exhausted mother needs some time or sleep, I can lean down and kiss their little faces and tell them how I prayed for their daddy when he was a baby. And how I prayed for them 25 or 30 years ago.

I’m so thankful that God is so patient with me as he uses motherhood to sanctify me. I’m so thankful that he doesn’t have a checklist of things to do – like get up early and read your Bible. Because sometimes, the best laid plans just fall apart. And sometimes, you have a wide-awake baby who reminds you that raising Christ-followers isn’t always neat and orderly. But that sometimes, you let your mothering be worship. And you thank God for some extra time to hold your babies.

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